[Maralee1987]

Hello,

I am due to have a baby in January. I am single (no longer with the baby's father) and just graduated from high school, and am supposed to be starting college next month. This baby was NOT planned, and neither my ex or I feel that we can raise a child at this point in our lives. (He is going into his sophomore year at college.) After college, I plan to go to law school - I have plans and dreams for my life and for the life of my future children and I just do not think that I would be the parent I could be when I'm ready now. (I just turned 18 in March - on Easter Sunday this year.) My ex thought that an abortion would be the best thing, but I can't do that. One of my good friends since elementary school was adopted and having known her for years, I believe that putting my baby up for adoption is the right thing to do. I've thought about it, talked about it with my parents and my pastor, and prayed about it and it feels right - once I made the decision that this is what I want to do, I started feeling at peace and not anxious and upset stomachey like I had been since I found out I was pregnant. Okay, some of that was probably morning sickness too but that seems to be fading now, I hope!

I have deferred my acceptance to school for a year (with my parents' approval) because I don't want my first year of college to be complicated by being pregnant - I'm supposed to be living in a dorm and all. I've got a job working in an office, and will keep that job after the baby is born until next August when I start school. I never thought I'd be talking to my boss about maternity leave at my age!! At least this way I'll have something to occupy myself with and also to make some money for school next year.

I found this site while researching my options. What I would like to do is to choose the parents for my baby and meet them and talk to them before the baby is born, but I don't think I want to do an "open" adoption with visiting and seeing the baby afterward. Can I do that or is it not possible to meet the parents first but not to see them after? I've read some things here about birthparents "closing" adoptions and how upset the adopting parents are and I wouldn't want to cause strife for my child's family. Maybe I'd want to meet my child when she/he is grown up, down the road, but I just don't think I could see them right away, while they are little.

Also, I called an agency downstate (NYC) and talked to a lady there and I didn't like her tone or attitude. I've always seen those ads in the newspapers and pennysavers from people wanting to adopt - can I just pick a family that way? I've also found some sites with people wanting to adopt online. (Google sure turns up a lot of stuff about adoption!!) I guess that I would need to hire a lawyer if I don't have an agency then? My parents are willing to help me with the costs of this, as is my ex's family (his parents don't think I should have an abortion, just him). I also have insurance through my parents too, so I should be all set with that.

If anybody has any words of wisdom for me, please let me know. I think I will probably be around this site for a while now that I have found it. THere is so much to read here!!

Sincerely yours,
Maralee