[LisaCA]

hi,

dh and I planned on adopting a toddler until we read up on the issue. It seemed, to be honest, that we had no clue on parenting, and newborns were more forgiving. Toddlers can have issues that allow for a smaller margin of error: for instance, at the time both dh and i traveled for business. This can be problematic for toddlers with attachment issues. So we moved on to newborn adoption, vowing to reconsider toddler adoption later, when we feel more sure of our parenting skills.

I would recommend a book entitled Toddler adoption by mary hopkins-best. It gives a clear view on toddler adoption.

one of the things to consider is why your dh feels the way he does. Why does he feel it's buying a baby? maybe some counseling sessions (just a handful specific to this topic of adoption) would help the communication issues. Dh and I decided together on each issue, and vowed that we would not proceed on a match unless both of us were 100% on board. That meant we passed on a number of infants before finding the one that was perfect for us. our marriage is by no means perfect, but i think we passed on some future grief by doing it this way. If you feel as if you're giving something up, it's time to investigate that.

I wish you luck-the decision between toddler and infant didn't come quickly for us-we took our time (over a year thinking this thru). There are many good reasons to adopt a toddler, but I think it's key to know what you're getting into. you probably have some idea since you've taken classes for your homestudy, but it's always good to explore it further.

you might want to post this on the general adoption board- a number of folks have adopted toddlers, and have had these sort of discussions with their spouses and can offer some advice.

good luck!

LisaCA