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understand being upset. But there is just something about your idea that sort of sits the wrong way with me. To go from weekly visits whenever she wants to 4 set times a year just seems like a huge difference and one that could make her feel like you are trying to shut her out totally.
Are there any other things you can try first before that dramatic step? Maybe a mediation with a church leader where you both can talk about your expectations for the relationship now that he is getting older? It is important to find out her point of view on these issues since she may not realize that her actions have the effect on you. Have you ever sat down and said, "When you would rather spend time with a boyfriend then visiting Nicholas it makes me feel like he is not a priority to you. It's been okay up until now because he was too young to understand it but I am afraid that as he gets older he begin to take it personally." I'm sure you have hinted at this and maybe even thought that by banning her boyfriends would have given her the hint but some people aren't very good with hints. They need things spelled out for them and they need firm boundaries set up.
I'm concerned with her own well being. Running fron relationship to relationship is a quick way to heartbreak. Although it isn't an adoption issue per se it could be something that is made worse by the adoption. i.e. Instead of dealing with the grief over losing 3 children she focuses on finding a man who can rescue her. I don't know if an adoption group would be more helpful to her or just a young women's group. It's just that until she works on her own issues and becomes more mature in general it will be hard to have an equal relationship with her.
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