[Jackiejdajda]

Originally Posted by BMTexas

Before long I find myself crying, reliving the whole thing.
But you know something??? It really doesn't matter now. I still made the decision and I have to live with my decision no matter how unfair it was.

Getting angry about what happened all those years ago helped me..

I know that when I gave my son up I was not allowed to show my emotions.. I was not allowed to grieve in front of my parents..
I just pushed my grief back the best way I could..
It became an automatic response..

Now days I watch myself and make sure or try to make sure I do feel the sadness or whatever.. Make sure I do not just make light of what is going on and push it back..
And maybe try not to feel guilty when I do push it back..

I think it (the stuffed negative emotion) comes out in different ways and situations..

I know I become triggered when someone does not validate what I am feeling.. or saying or doing.. Or says to me.. “Stop getting angry!”
I am resentful of that.. I do not see why the person is telling me to stop.. I just feel put upon or belittled..

In my mind (sometimes insane thinking) this has nothing to do with what happened all those years ago.. But it does.. It has to..

I think those memories need to be validated.. written about and discussed.. Looked at from your now ‘eyes’… Looked at from the place of who you are now..

Would you do to a human being what was done to you? (and I do not know what happened to you but I can guess)

I would not.. I would never do that (what my parents did) to a daughter of mine.. Never.. I would encourage her to grieve.. I would be with her through the whole thing.. I would take care of her as a mother should.. or heck as a father should..

I think getting angry at what happened is the way out.. I remember reading once..”The only way out is through.”

Jackie