[Devora]

Deciding on domestic vs. international and in international adoption deciding what country you work with are difficult decisions. While some options may clearly not be the best one for your family, other options are less clear. And sometimes it's like comparing apples to oranges. Whatever you do, you need to make the best choice for your family. I think that part of making that choice requires being clear about what the facts are about each option.

The idea that it takes years to adopt domestically is, in most cases, no longer the case. For example, through our homestudy agency the typical domestic adoption takes about 18 months from the time the homestudy starts. Of course, this is going to vary from one agency to another and will also vary if you are doing a completely independent adoption. My impression is that it may be a shorter time if you work with an agency.

As for fear about the birthmother changing her adoption plan, it is extremely important that you know what the law is in your state. While there have been some very sensationalized cases in the media (and definitely heartbreaking for all of the family involved), those cases almost always involve some aspect of the law not having been followed, thereby rendering the adoption invalid. If the law is followed a birth parent can't change their mind years later and come back for the child.

That said, each state is different in how long of a time there is until the adoption is final. For instance, I live in a state where the birthmother must wait for 72 hours after the birth to sign the final papers -- but as soon as they are signed, her relinquishment of the child is irrevocable. There is a 6-month wait period until the adoption is final but that wait period is NOT for the birthparent -- it's for the state. They want to check and make sure that the child is being well cared for. If there is any abuse in that 6 months then the state can remove the child more easily than they can when the adoption is finalized. But the birthparent cannot changer her/his mind in that 6 months. In my state most of the cases that hit the media (including one in the past year that was on national news) were due to the fact that the laws regarding notifying the birth father were not followed. But if the law had been followed, the interruption of the adoption never could have happend. Every state's laws are different. I really encourage you to talk with an adoption agency if you haven't done so already and find out what the laws are where you live.

Also, remember that in Guatemala the birthparent can change their plan up until the final adoption decree is signed which is one of the last steps in the process. So if you are not able to take the risk of a birthparent changing their plan it would probably be better to look at a country where parental rights are completely terminated prior to the referral being made (Korea and China are two of the most popular).

In the end, though, you need to do whatever is best for your family. People will ask questions. But if you are certain about what you are doing and why and if you are very clear on what the facts are so that you can dispel the myths other people believe, then you will be fine.

Best wishes,
Devora