[susiesgirl]

My bmom found this site so i can no longer post like i would like to cuz she will not understand my feelings even tho she may try,
She said that she was suprised to hear that i had so much hate in my heart.. it isnt hate.. not really its just that EDITED green eyed monster. And I am not the only one that it has bit in the butt. I Do love my sister but there is tension between us because we both wanted what the other had. IT is really hard for me.
Like when i said she would love my sisters baby more..the reasson that i think tha tis my husbands mother didnt love my kids at all and she did the other kids,. She said *i love all my greand kids and kids differently* she NEVER told my hubby that she loved him even before she died .she spent her life telling hiim she wished he was never born. My father in law says that she loved the ones the most that she seen the most.. and at that time we lived right across town but they couldnt be bothered with my kids. MY minlaw promised my daughter that she would take her shopping like she did the other *girls* well it came time for shelbys turn and my minlaw said oh sorry its veronicas turn. They would take all the grandkids everyyear on vacation to DisneyWorld and NEVER took my kids . It broke my heart to hear my babies sitting in the bath tub asking why their grandma didnt love them. It just worried me cuz my bmom doesnt get to see them often i just dont want her to *forget* them,. My daughter doesnt go down when i go cuz she is mad from a time before when i got on her case.
i have had people walk in and out of my life and it just scares me.
Now mbmom is wondering at least this is what i am getting and i hope that i am wrong...that i want to be away from her. That is not true at all!!!!!
i need her in my life. I have to get used to sharing czu i was rasised an only child but that is just something that i have to work for.

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