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You know Spay, I am quite a type A personality, who has inflexible standards about some things, mostly of myself. Polite and impolite, right and wrong, ethical and unethical is very black and white for me. I allow my kids a lot of freedom, intellectual freedom and freedom to find their creativity and individual selves, but there are many things that I am not flexible about. Like sharing, I was unwilling to believe that a hesitation to share is just what kids just do. My dd was never forced to share her favorite toy or her books (mostly because she was very particular about them and how they were handled- very carefully); we went out to avoid that (rather than have people over), but everything else was required sharing. She once, at 12 months, took a toy away from another child. I removed her from the situation (it was Gymboree), made her leave; she screamed and cried all the way out the door and to the car. I told her one time why we were leaving and she never did it again. She is an incredibly giving child. I see small children, toddlers, hitting their parents everyday. They ignore it or laugh; that sends the message that it is okay. I was not having a child that hit anyone under any circumstances; my daughter did not do it, but I would have never permitted it. I will not permit my children to touch or invade the space of others and am very diligent about how they behave; my dd is considerate of others and would never put her hands on another person. I do not permit outdoor activities, like climbing or yelling, indoors at public places - ever, especially at the library or bookstore, where I see kids acting wild everyday. I expect my children to be respectful, polite and aware of others around them. Funny, one thing that my friend and I discussed several weeks ago is the freedom of shoes. I do not/did not permit my children to go anywhere in public (once they walk) without shoes; I cannot stand that, though I see it everyday, somewhere! Oh, we have rules sister. . .

It is funny that I should come here tonight and find the opportunity to have this discussion with you, one that I like so immensely, as this (verbatim, really) is the discussion that I had with my 2.5 year daughter tonight. It speaks volumes about our "spirituality." (sidenote, she has talked a lot lately about birth, babies in the uterus, which comes from her fascination with the Human Body book)

As I held baby in the other room, I heard my dd flick the roman shade back; she exclaimed:

come quick mama. You do not want to miss the incredible waxing crescent moon that is outside of the window.
I come into the room and put sleeping babe in his crib then raise the shade. My daughter and I both lie on the bed, legs extended horizontally, heads looking up and dangling off of the side of the bed, tilted toward the open shade.

What do you think mom? Isn't it great that I looked out. Do you think Opa has seen it? Do you think daddy has seen it? (I said that I did not know.) She said I want to call and tell them to look out, that it is beautiful. (I said okay we could in a minute.)

I grew in your tummy right? (I said no baby you did not.) I inquired, "Whose tummy did you grow in?" M's she replied. (her birthmother). I said, "yes and now you and I are here together. She loves you very much, do you know that?" She said, I know. Then asked, do you think she has seen the crescent moon tonight? I think it would make her happy.
I said, "I do not know but hope that she has. You know that she can see it exactly as you see it."
She said. I love you so much mama.

When we talk about spirituality in our home, it is about inner strength, conviction and connection, being who you are in the presence of those who are different or unlike you, thinking independently, and knowing that you are responsible for your actions with the knowledge that your actions can affect others. We talk about the connection of all things and the importance of respecting life. We want our children to see the power/cycle of life in nature and all creatures around them, but we talk very specifically and often about science and the evolutionary process.

My teaching her about religion is much like my teaching her about families; some are headed by two persons and some one. Sometimes there is a man and woman, sometimes two women, sometimes two men, sometimes a grandmother or aunt or some where everyone looks similar or others where parents and their children look quite different from one another. Religion, for us, is much like teaching history; we want to expose our children to a world view, to know what others believe and how they live, to ensure that they feel that each "theology" is equally "right" and worthwhile for the believer if it does not hurt others or damage the spirit of strength or individuality.

But spirituality is who we are, what we live; it is our action and our example. We want them to view spirituality as a system of comfort, as a connection that gives them peace. I hope that my kids will get that with the connections that we share with them, with nature, with people, with the music and art that people create and share with others. It is feeling loved and supported through any challenge and life experience. It is what my own parents gave to me.

I was raised in a home where my parents led by example; there was not an instilling of fear to create order. There was strength, calmness and ever present interest in others. While my parents had expectations of us and how we, as a family, did things, there was a lot of freedom, mostly of feelings and the expression of them. There was no ritual or custom; our traditions were based on what we did as a family, traveled, talked about, prayed and sang about. We were taught to learn about others and to value their experiences. I do not remember throughout my entire life my parents saying anything disparaging about another person. When I began questioning Christianity as a theology in college (I had big issues with how it fit into a world system for me), my mother said to me one night. "Life is quite short, and I have lived not nearly enough to presume that I have any answers. What works for one person does not work for another. Be connected to your heart and live as a responsible human and peace will always be in your soul."

While it seems somewhat cliche, it speaks volumes and is exactly who my mother is. She is a Christian who believes that how I live my life is so much more a testament of faith than what I espouse to believe.

Oh, how I have rambled. . .