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Andy, LOL - and your comments reminded me of a discussion I had with a friend, who for awhile tried to convince me of the rightness of her views. She believed that since I didn't tell her that she was absolutely wrong and I was absolutely right, that I in some way didn't really believe what I did. I finally explained that just as she found peace and security in her spiritual beliefs, I had found the same in mine. That I could be happy that she found her foundation and asked her to also be happy for me in finding mine. Ultimately, even though I completely disagreed with her, I understood that it wasn't for me to evaluate what was right for her as I didn't live in her skin and I expected that same courtesy. It really served as a turning point in our friendship... In the long run, I feel the same about my girls. If they are able to find in life what makes them happy, whether that be through their spiritual beliefs, their calling, a relationship with someone they love, etc. I'm going to be happy about that. A sense of peace with oneself is a success that too few people ever accomplish, whether what that looks like would personally work for me or not is irrelevant. More than anything, if they have the courage to be who they are (expecially if what's importan to the ends up being against some unwritten "norm") and if they have the ability to be compassionate towards others, I'll be thrilled!
Karen, I just wanted to check in and see if you'be gotten anymore information about the situation with your fost/adopt son and the program he's in. The church we go to also draws from a variety of spiritual sources, the idea being that there is a fundemental truth that underlying all of them, so I completely understand how frustrating that is for you. I sincerely hope that your wishes are respected why he is there. Having been through something similar, I know how difficult it can be afterwards if they are not. I'm sure they will tell you that he "chose" to participate. But, if he's anything like H (who was also 7 when we had her), he's learned how to play by the rules and adapt to wherever he's at for his own advantage. Again, given his situation, I don't think it is possible for him to make that kind of choice. After all, he's not going to make a decision that sets him apart from the other kids or might make him be viewed as less acceptable to the adults.
Elisabeth, we took a similar approach with the girls when it came to prayer. We didn't stop them from praying their way, but also exposed them to a simple mealtime grace and a non-demnominational bedtime prayer. In the long run, doing so stregthened their relationship to us. They specifically defined both as being part of our family. It also helped us distinguish from strangers. i.e. Is this a person who would gather together with us to say these prayers, if not, they were also someone that we didn't walk up to and hug.
Spay, I think they absolutely got away with it because they weren't already practicing a religion. At the time that they entered the group home, TPR was already in the works and their mom was working hard to get someone on her side (she did the same with me), so I know that even if she approved their participation, she did so in hopes that they would see her the way she wanted them to see her. I was actually told quite a few stories from the houseparents about how they entered into conversations with her and then let her "hang herself" - their words, not mine. So, I know that they too were not entirely upfront with her. That just gets me into a whole other rant though. My personal view as a house parent was that it was my job to report facts to the CWer's about what happened or conversations that I witnessed. It wasn't my place to insert my opinion or to draw someone into a conversation with me in order to get information from them that could be used against them.
Very interesting conversation, I hope more poke their heads in and share their thoughts.
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