[LisaCA]

okay, I've got a question to throw on this board, something I've been thinking about since dd showed up a year ago: we'd like to adopt again but are concerned about a few things, such as whether the next adoption will be as open, etc. One major question I'd like to pose here. Dh and I are rather light-skinned as black folk go ("passing the old paper bag test"). When we filled out our paperwork, we didn't think much about what our child would look like (other than that s/he'd be of african descent), but when she arrived, I was a bit startled that her family's skin tone fit ours exactly (I'll come back to this in a moment). After a year, people think dd is our birthchild, mostly because of the skin tone and the fact that our families resemble one another (all these years I thought black people didn't all look alike, I'm reevaluating this now ). My concern: we assumed that our children would look a bit different from us and were unprepared for the similarity. When we adopt the next child, what if this child is significantly darker in tone? (For most whites, and possibly most blacks, the skin tone is what is noticed immediately in determining whether the child "matches" the family). Mind you, we have no problem with our child's coloring. Both sides of our family are rather light skinned (way more whites in the family tree than we're comfortable acknowledging ), now dd's bfamily looks like our family-what's it like for the next child, who may not look like our family and will really stand out? This is a bit different than a white family adopting a child of color for many reasons which I won't go into here. since color (and hair texture) are sooo "important" to the aa community, what's it like if you don't have your family as your refuge? if everyone points out that you look different (and darker, with all the negatives that may follow?)

my plan isn't to ask if we can get a light skinned child , but to anticipate what some of the issues might be and some experiences dealing with them. I hope i've explained this well-i don't want this to across in an unintended way. I just know how brutal people can be about color, both aa and white, and I'm not sure if having a bunch of folks, who look very diff from you, keep telling you how you look just fine plays well or believably. okay enough babbling, would like to hear your comments and advice.

lisa