[LisaCA]

chicago was great! the weather was a wee bit muggy but we survived. went to the taste of chicago, hung out downtown, it was a blast. nice city-now if you could only do something about the weather...

my inlaws are a piece of work. apparently they've been commenting on how sil dresses, raises her son and older daughter, everything is up for grabs. When I told dh about his parents behavior to sil, he had a hard time believing it (i don't, but then again, they aren't my parents). I never get the dressing comments since I dress pretty modestly (no v-necks, tight jeans, etc.) The other comments, well, they come fast and furious (my complexion, haircuts, etc). my pointed comments that my mom raised me that if you have nothing nice to say you should keep your mouth shut, seem to have no effect. I did say to dh that he should get down on his hands and knees and thank god we live 3000 miles away!

I've been trying to educate them for the past 22 years on a number of things: black history (no, african art isn't primitive or embarrassing, it's actually technologically advanced and meaningful), cultural anthropology (diff cultures do things differently), etc, but no luck. I've given up on the adoption thing, I'll just keep dd away. Of course I've stayed away. my last visit was in 1987-no joke. They come out way too much for my tastes (at least 2x a year, and we make them stay at a hotel), so i felt no need to go there. Dh has always been free to visit them with my blessing, but he has chosen to avoid them too, visiting about every 5 years or so. Of course they blame me for this, but dh has free will.

why they are so against adoption, I'm not sure. might be that parent thing that your kids are never smart enough to do anything independently, or the idea that you never know about "blood", or all the lifetime movies about adoption-not sure. They were amazed that dd was so smart and way more advanced than their favorite grandchild, but they're probably blaming that on sil "foreign" genes, plus her parenting. maybe they'll see the light . in the meantime, life's too short to waste it on them. on my deathbed I'll want those 9 days back.

ah well, aren't relatives tons of fun? I have to say that the idea of adding my child's bfamily to my family seemed overwhelming at first (like I need more family, i can barely deal with my family and my inlaws!) but I came around after reading tons and thinking. Of course it helps if they're likeable-don't know what i'd do if they were like my inlaws . i thank my facilitator for being such a great matchmaker!

lisa