Sounds like a fabulous visit, Lisa. I was especially touched by the fact that you are honoring their use of your daughter's birthname. There really is so little harm in that, and it obviously means a lot to them. I know lots of people who have pet names. My brother calls his nephew -- my nephew, too, but didn't want to confuse as his son -- by his middle name. Only one to do it, and it makes my nephew feel like he has a special bond with his uncle. So many people think that it would confuse the child, but really, children make sense of confusion every day! Or if they can't make sense of it, they have a very sensitive bs meter and will call them on it (as you say, you'll support your dd in whatever she decides).
It's wonderful when bfamily really is family. Especially when we have some that has been around longer that we wouldn't mind trading in
