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Stacy, I'm so very sorry that you are faced with this uncertainty and potential loss (((Hugs))). I've been there before and there really is no greater anxiety that I've lived. Although our son's birthfather never contested, he did not make a decision on whether he wanted to parent or place until our son was 9 months old.
The laws really are specific to your state, so you really have to consult with your attorney. Since this is a putative father and the birthmother is married (I looked back at your previous posts), the laws are very specific for this situation.
We did a lot of soul searching in trying to decide what to do if in fact we were faced with the choice we feared he would make ... parenting. We loved this boy more than we could ever imagine, and the abstract concept of legal risk placement (with "unknown father") that we had when we happily took him home was a distant memory.
Ultimately, both my husband and I decided that we could not fight. We would never be able to explain it to our son why we kept him from his biological family, even if we could live with ourselves. Then when we actually met the father, and got to know him, we realized how wrong that would have been for us. It was so hard to accept because all of our instincts were to care for and protect OUR baby.
Have you been able to talk with the father, find out what his wishes, hopes, dreams are? I think getting things concrete and personal will get things moving towards utlimate resolution. As much as you may want to hold on, I really will be best for all if everything is resolved quickly.
But don't give up hope! This man is probably going through a whole lot of emotion from his divorce and may not be sure of what he wants right now. I think the worst thing that can happen is for the courts to depersonalize it all. That's when it can get dragged out when parties don't feel like they're being heard. Try talking with him, with mediation if you must, but make it as personal as possible. Let him know that you care, that you are hearing his concerns, and that you ultimately want what's best for his son.
When people feel that power is taken away from them, they tend to dig in their heels further. If you give him the power of choice, he may just make the choice that you want. Utlimately though, you'll need to answer to your son in any action you take.
(((((Hugs)))))
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