[bnsheerose]

I am a birthmom who chose to place with a family that I selected because I knew them and we had what seemed to be a positive relationship. I will be direct and to the point. I always included them in everything during my pregnancy, her birth and the time in the hospital. I put my own feelings aside to ease their fears. I say this not for attention, but just because it's a part of my problem. I only asked for updates and pictures. They agreed. In the hospital, they asked me and my other kids to be part of her life. I was shocked, but I wanted it sooo much. The made several promises to me and my other kids. The following year, I received one picture and two notes. I was very disappointed, but I never pursued asking them about anything. Next month, she will be 4 years old. We have seen her a few times. I have kept a lot of my feelings to myself. I have always put them first. The negative side is that it's eating at me. My hurt, disappointment, and anger. They have mentioned in the past that their friends have warned them about all the things that happen in adoption (none of which I have done or ever intend to do). I feel so confused. I am afraid that I if I lay things on the line and express how I feel, that I will lose her forever. On the other hand...would it be worse than what it is right now. I let my daughter go, because I loved all three of my little girls...and I wanted her to have more than what I could give her...and I was in a nasty situation with my other daughters' father. I was struggling. I am trying to understand how I became threat to her parents?? I gave them everything I could...I trusted them with my precious baby's life, and have done nothing wrong...why are they doing this to me? I'm sorry....I don't mean to sound bad...but my heart is breaking and this is controlling my life right now...it's tearing me apart. I am just trying to understand...why they didn't keep their word to me? Why, now that they have her, we're not important anymore? I want to be honest with them, but all these years, I have kept it mostly to myself because of fear. If anyone can help me, I'd appreciate it..thankyou.