[mattecook]

Pam-- I think of you often and hope that your son deepens that bond that you and he need so much.

Original poster--for us the bonding was relative easy. One thing to keep in mind is that we receive pictures and such and have many months to bond with the idea of having this little person in our lives. We dream of the things we will do with him/her and can't wait to begin our lives together. All the while our little ones are in Guatemala living a life where they really are unaware someone far away is waiting to bring them home. Than all of a sudden they are taken from the person they have loved and bonded with an given to people who look different, smell different, sound different and all they are doing is crying and kissing them. It must be terrifying for them and they have to quickly assess that their former life has changed and they are trying to figure out who you are and if you are going to leave them too. I believe that you must understand that we have to give these little ones the freedom of emotion to deal with the grief of losing everything familar to them. We often find it easier to bond with them instantly than they might to us but if you step back and think about it in terms of what they are going through you should be able to fully understand some of their emotions. As for keeping the adoption a secret I feel that is a BIG mistake. It isn't fair to your child, yourselfs or your family members. Someone at some point are going to spill the beans and then your trust is broken between you and your child. Adoption is an amazing journey, one I couldn't imagine going on but I needed the full support of my husband and close family and friends. I hope that you have received the answer and support you have needed by everyone who have responded. Many of us at times have wondered what the attachment would be like with our children and for the most part it is pretty smooth there are some cases like Pam and Ed's whose transition has been difficult and heartbreaking but as you can see in her post she awakes everyday with the hope that there will be a breakthrough today and I have faith that one day she will get that big breakthrough.

Ami