[Kimberj71]

Both our daughter and our son bonded well with us and relatively quickly. Our son was 6.5 months when he came home and had a tough couple of days...mostly, if we wanted him to take a bottle we couldn't look at him. So we would hold him and look the other direction. By the time we'd been home for a few days we were able to make eye contact without him refusing the bottle. Overall, I think it took a couple of months for him to really feel like we were his.

On the other hand, I had some difficulty bonding with our daughter (who came home 3 months before our son). While she fit seemlessly into our family life and took us as her own after about a week, I really struggled for a good month or so to feel like she was mine. I loved her, from the moment I saw her photo I loved her. But loving is different than bonding, I think. At least for me it was. Bonding just happened with her over a period of time and just involved me caring for her day in and day out. Now, she is as much mine as if she'd been born to me. Interestingly, I bonded with our son with no problem. I think as others have said, it really depends on the personalities involved...the parents' and the child's.

I think it's great that you're asking these types of questions. I hope that your husband will be open to asking questions and searching out answers to his concerns. As others have said, you really do need a support system as you make your way through the adoption process, so both of you need to be on board.

Good luck!
Kim