[Chop]

First about the bonding issue. My dh has had a difficult time bonding with my daughter. She was 2 yrs when we brought her home and it was 6 months before she would hug him. 5 years later things are much better but through tremendous effort and unconditional love on behalf of my dh. We still go through seasons where we have to be proactive about the way they are relating to one another. If you are looking at Guat. many of the risk factors are minimized by adopting younger children as well as good foster care vs. the hellish orphanage my dd was from.

In my opinion, if your husband would want to keep the adoption secret than he is not ready to adopt and handle some of the attachment issues or transracial issues that may occur. I also don't see the betrayal issue as big as the attitude that adoption isn't just as wonderful and miraculous as having a bio child. If he thinks of it as a second choice it may not be a good choice for your family.