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One more... If your nephew is 15, Im assuming the birthmom is close to that... and remember that immaturity is probably the predominant reason that they placed anyway. Think back to your 15-16 year old antics....
I think if you are dealing with teen rebellion then confronting her on it will just make her do it more... I would just look the other way and then as she matures... (by the time the baby is old enough to know the difference) she will have hopefully laid off... and if not.. THEN she will be old enough to say.. look I thought you would grow out of this stage.. but now I need to put my foot down....
Hopefully it wont come to this... 1 year is a hard milestone.
As for your sister... I think that family adoptions HAVE GOT to be more touchy... I couldnt imagine. I know that I claim my birthdaughter as my daughter... etc... but it isnt "in the adoptive parents face" and I would probably only refer to her by name in their presence if that were ever to happen. I think the whole concept of you child having two sets of parents has GOT to be harder with everyone so close... when normally grandparents would claim their grand children.... adopted or not.... it seems like undermining in this type of situation.
Plus she may just be trying to show loyalty to her son.. or be conscious of her sons feelings... and not really meaning to hurt yours.. Ultimately THAT, as his mom, IS where her loyalty belongs....(IMO)
Ultimately... everyone should know that if the birthfather is to have more involvement in his sons life it will be up to his son... (Your son... I think it is ok for both parties to claim....) MUCH later...
That being said.. I think that you have a right to talk about the issue with your sister... since she IS the adult in the situation... but if you really dont think it is personal toward you..then I would give it thought as to whether the talk is REALLY warranted... or if it will cause more tension. Talking or not, at this point is NOT going to change that YOU are parenting this child!
As for the other adoptee asked whether or not she was looking for her "real" parents... well I suppose it would depend on how it went down.. If you cut in to a conversation that you werent involved in.. then I say let it drop... if you were stepping in because she was fumbling for an answer then I would -- during the same talk with your sister -- make it clear that neither set of parents is more real than the other... and to please try to refrain from saying those type of things in the future...
Happy 1 year Bday to Jayden!
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