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Hi KK,
I just read through this thread and wanted to say that I'm very sorry for the failed match you've been through.
It may be that this young woman in your new situation is very shy, or it could be that she's not committed to an adoption. Is it possible for you to speak to her alone, away from her ex-boyfriend? Perhaps away from him, she might be willing to admit that she's not prepared to place (if that is the case).
You said that her coworkers touch her stomach a lot and talk about her pregnancy. Think for a moment about how that must feel. She is having a baby that she may not raise. Remember how lost you felt when you had a baby in your arms and had to return him and then explain to everyone what happened? If she places, she'll go through the same thing, but she'll have to explain to everyone who has touched her stomach and commented on her pregnancy that, no, she chose not to bring the baby home.
Adoption is viewed very positively by society, and yet, for some reason, birth parents are not. There is an attitude in this country that while adopting is great, only a terrible person would "give her baby away." KWIM?
Perhaps her behavior at your meetings indicates that she's being pressured. Perhaps it just indicates that she's dealing with a lot of emotions right now and may not be able to deal with them. I agree with Regina that she definitely needs some one on one counseling. Hopefully once that happens, you can either go forward with the match with confidence or step back now before you get too involved.
Sorry this is so long. Keep us posted!
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