[drama mama]

I know I am opening a can of worms but I am curious how others have walked this out. In reading about open adoption. It states. Although birthmother will always be the birthmother they are not the parent. This is a very vague statement. I realize open adoption is supposed to give the child security of knowing the birthfamily loves them. And also to allow the birthfamily to have contact with their offspring. But Have you found the lines sometimes get blurred. When our birthmother calls and asks specific questions I feel like I am the babysitter and she is critiquing my parenting. I see how the relationship benefits the birthparents. But how does it benefit the adoptive parents? Couldn't the same level of security etc.. be established through a semi-open adoption where when the child desires more info the birthparent can be contacted. IF the adoptive parents are the parents and the birthparents have GIVEN this role over to them.. WHY share the role with them.
It seems confusing to me. What is the definition of parent. If the birthparent gives up all the responsibility that parenthood requires but is still allowed all the benefits of parenting.. Seeing his milestones.. Visiting him. being apart of his life. I really desire some perspective.
Thanks,