Philippa,
You are always welcome to poke your nose in
I do appreciate all points of veiw. I know that we all on all sides of adoption hear our share of ignorant or off the wall comments, or are asked questions that should be left unasked. I'd love to hear from adopted persons as well, but am not so sure where to post this so they'd have a chance to read it.
Plareb, comments about appearance really get under my skin. Only a few people have done this, a very few, and I am always at a loss as to how to reply. It goes something like this, "Oh my goodness, Babe is so cute, I had no idea Babe was so cute," as if only homely babies are placed for adoption. Or, "The little girl across the street from us was adopted and she's just the most adorable little girl you could ever meet," as if adorable and adopted are not normally associated. These are such subtle judgements about children who were adopted that it almost seems impossible to explain why they are bothersome without coming off like an oversensitive new mom, one everyone rolls their eyes at behind her back. I wish I could come up with a snappy response for these remarks, something concise. It's true, many only see the burden of open relationships and not the benfits. For that reason I try very hard to vent (IRL) only to my husband about feelings related to my relationship with my child's birthparents. Like with any family member there can be things I don't like about our relationship and want to fix (or times I just need to complain and get it out of my system), but some folks don't see it that way, they think any negative comment is a reason for the open relationship no to exist.
Katie, I agree, many do frown on women who say they are overwhelmed and need support. Society also doesn't like to hear if a woman doesn't love being a mother 24/7.