[icunurse]

We share things about DS's bparents based on what is being asked, why it's being asked, and who's asking. For example, my dearest friend knows a lot, but some people who I consider friends (but not super-close) know a watered down version. When people ask why they chose to place, I tend to stick with "they just didn't feel ready to be a parent right now". I usually also add how much they loved him to not only admit that, but to place him for adoption, as there are so many people out there who aren't ready or "fit" to be parents, but raise the child themselves anyway. I've found that by adding this on, it really makes people think about how sometimes keeping the child can be a bad decision and it makes them think a little differently about adoption.

Open adoption is difficult for a lot of people to understand, so I've used different answers for different people (and some STILL don't get it). Just keep working on them - it sounds like you're doing great- and it will all turn out OK.

As far as info that I share or don't - I never give out last names or very specific identifying info (we don't live that far apart and bdad hasn't told family); I have their pics in albums, but wouldn't bring them to work; DS's medical history is known only by DH and I and the pediatrician; DS's full story (why he was placed, rocky relationship between bparents, etc) is known by us/bparents/agency and, one day, DS. I try and respect their privacy, but also understand that we have an open adoption, so certain things like names, jobs, etc are okay to talk about.