[MNelson]

Something I've found helpful to give a non-answer answer to the "why did she/they?" question is "It was an extremely difficult decision." That seems to politely get across the point that the details are private, while getting to the point of what they (in most cases) are trying to discuss: the gravity of the decision via grappling with incomprehension.

I, as you do, feel compelled to talk about E’s bfamily as our family (as I would about my in-laws … I like my in-laws ). I'll usually share information about each of their professions and their interests that are similar to ours. I also feel this helps to dispel the stereotypes. I talk about how they shower E with love and attention, and miss him terribly when we’re apart.

Unfortunately we usually then have to deal with the “saints for doing this” comments (for the openness). We will then turn it around to E and say we are blessed to have so many people who love him. I’ll usually throw in a “Who else can you brag about your kid non-stop with without inducing nausea?”