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Susan,
Thank you for your sensitivity. I am new to the wording of adoption, and your suggestion does make a difference in emotion! I hope I haven't offended anyone.
As I read more into it, I am becoming more open minded about open adoption. I have always wanted our adopted children to be able to meet or search for their birth family, but I hadn't thought about the fact of keeping an open door throughout growing up. While it does make me nervous, I do realize that it would be the best thing for the child. And I just keep thinking to myself that the child would have an extra family to love him/her!!! How amazing is that? I even started to wonder if our biological children would feel jealous or want to be included! LOL
I am curious as to why the birth mother would want to keep things open by us sending updates and pictures and possibly seeing the child at church conferences every couple of years, but she does not want the child to know who she is. I'd almost rather it be a closed adoption than to have to keep that from my child. Someone on one of these boards made a good point. What if the child wants to know who the mother is down the road, and she decides that's okay? Then we tell him/her "Actually it's "Jane" who you've met several times." If I were the child, I think I would feel like everyone had been lying to me or misleading to me. Again, I'm trying to keep my emotions out of it and think from the child's perspective and what would be best for him/her...NOT easy!
About loving an adopted child...I have always had the same wonders about having another biological child. How could I love another child as purely and deeply as I love my son now? But then I look at him and think if I love another child like I love him, how much more my life will be worth and how much more wonderful it will be! Blood is not the issue. I love my husband about as much as a person can love another, and he is not blood related to me! Neither is my brother (adopted), and I don't see him any differently than I see my biological sister...I love them both the same.
There is a 10 day revocation period here in TX, but I think you have to go by the state that the baby is born in, right? Then I think there is a 30 day waiting period there. Would we have the baby during that time? I guess I just have to look at it like a pregnancy. It's risky. My son could have died just as easily as the birth mother could change her mind. It's painful, but you take the risk to have children. I think there was the initial shock of finding out about this and realizing that my husband was interested and that this could be possible. And now I'm thinking a bit more clearly about it. I've been praying about it constantly and thinking about all the angles. Trying to be more rational than emotional now, although I know the emotions will never end!
Thank you so much for your help!
Rebekah
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