[HeatherDawn]

KK,

The anger your feeling, I felt similiar anger and so did my husband. We were caught up in a boyfriend girlfriend battle...our girl gave her baby up to play on her boyfriends emotions, then there was a call to her by him per our SW and he asked her if the court date had happen and she told him that it had and to leave her alone....then he called the SW and she told him the truth and then he called the Bmom back and begged her to get their baby back...in the hospital he tried to talk her out of putting their baby up for adoption but when asked if he help take care of her he said "no, I don't know anything about babies and my parents can't find out about this". I guess he laid in the hospital bed begging her not to give her up but didn't want to be a parent either. She had a son already that was 5 yrs old, not by him...they both went to college...so she had her on a Friday and left the hospital the next day. So any rate, the day the SW came to my home in person to deliver the news about us having to return our daughter I remember it like it was yesterday. I try hard not to think about it, to this day I can't believe it happened, my dream became a nightmare in seconds...I wasn't feeling well that day, my husband asked if I wanted to hold the baby, I was coming down with a horrible cold and I looked at him and said "No" he joked with me and said "ahhh, mommy doesn't want to hold you", I got mad and told him " I hold her constantly, I never put her down, but I am not feeling well and she will be just fine if you put her in her bassinet"....after that he went to home depot to get crown molding for her room, I went and laid down on our bed...there was a knock on the door, I thought it was my mother in law, I yelled for her to come in (nice, how tacky) they knocked again, I got aggravaited and yelled louder...I heard a shuffle in the kitchen, I went into the kitchen and jumped back a bit because I was surprised to see the SW, I said "oh, I thought you were my M-in-law, are you here to see the baby" she said yes, I took her to the bassinet, I was looking down at our daughter and I said, "isn't she beautiful" I looked up at her and she had this look on her face I will never forget, and she proceeded to tell me that the bmom wanted her baby back....I will never forget the extreme horror, the extreme displacement I felt, everything in my life meant nothing, was nothing.... I will not go into everything else but lets just say we had 24 hours left to be with her and it was like a funeral home in our house.... that night my husband and I wrote letters to the bmom and bfather, we each wrote our own, my was four pages long front and back , his was two...we voiced a lot in these letters, we don't know if they ever read them, we also sent her back with two pictures of us with her and the two letters....that helped us heal I think...it helped us have closure...I also hate thinking about the day we had to return her, they were 50minutes late picking her up, we actually were thinking they changed their minds...it ended up being another slap in the face, how could you be late picking up your daughter, how could you, come to find out it was because he had to go to court about a ticket, if i was the bmom I would have left him behind and went and got my baby...

I think maybe you should send the letter, but then again I don't know if you are hoping you will get the baby back and you might be afraid that this will make her angry,,, I am not sure...KK, I am so sorry that you are going through this, I am angry too regarding my situation...sometimes I think I have worked hard to push my feelings away...I haven't walked into my daughters room in over a month...and I am not even sure the diaper gene is empty (that sounds soo bad and I can't believe I wrote that, I am a clean freak) but I am afraid to go in there. when you open that door its like its like a hard punch in the stomach, I told my husband the other day we needed to go in there and check the gene, he just looked at me and said I know, but niether one of us have gone in there to do that...too much to handle.

Looks like I needed to vent today.
Sorry KK.