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Thanks to all
Janet, "Runner", Casey, Katie, Terrie, Anina, Susan, Melissa, Rene, Melissa and HeatherDawn,
I so appreciate you all sharing your stories. It does help to know what feels like just our private grief has been experienced by others....and that you're all pushing through the tough times to get to the better days ahead.
My really bad days do seem fewer and fewer, although many days I seem to just function in kind of an automated way.
We've had two contacts from birthmothers, but neither were right for us...so we've now gone for over a month with no contact at all, which is discouraging. I'm trying not to feel like I'm living a life in limbo...to just enjoy what I have right now...but it's hard, and feels relatively shallow compared to our intense three weeks as parents.
Our birthmother who took the baby back contacted us by email about a month ago. I was so angry with her (again) as she didn't even mention the baby. She is completely self-centered and misses the attention from us. I think the reality of her situation is hitting her, and she was desperate to reach out. We didn't respond to her, although I have written her a letter which depicts all my feelings about what happened. I feel as if she actively deceived us through the process in order to have a chance of keeping her boyfriend. There are so many manipulative, cruel things she did and said that we just put up with in order to continue the match. I haven't sent it, because I don't really think it will have any effect on her...so I'm not sure what the point is. It would probably make me feel better to know I "had my say"...but for some reason I keep not sending it. Did any of you have any final communication with the birthmother after the failed adoption?
I know I just need to move on...and I'm trying, but some days it just all comes back and I can't believe this happened. As far as finding the good in the situation...I'm not there yet at all, and I don't feel like I will be for a while. I've never been a very angry person, and I've always believed the best in people. To be so deceived and hurt has been tough, and I wonder if we'll be able to enter into another match situation, or if I will always be too distrustful. I guess time will tell...
Again, thanks to all for your responses and kind words.
KK
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