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Old 05-17-2005, 08:15 AM
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maryjanek maryjanek is offline
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Hi Jennifer.

Most adoptions are closed, but people do manage to find each other, with luck and determination. It's been a while since you posted, so you may have found more info on your own since then. But if you haven't already, try the International Soundex Reunion Registry (ISRR). It's a nonprofit set up to help people who want to reunite. It only works if both people are searching, but I know an adoptee who paid a private detective to find her bmother and later found out her mother was on the free registry. So it's something to try -- http://www.isrr.net/

If you were adopted through an agency, contact them too. Many agencies now will do a search through an intermediary, which gives the person who's found the opportunity to say whether or not they want contact. That's how I found my bson six years ago. And it's how his brother in his adoptive family, also adopted, found his bmother a couple of years later.

Everyone's experience with search and reunion is different, but I don't think I've ever heard someone say they wish they hadn't done it. Even if all you get is some information about your biological and historical roots, I think it can help you understand yourself better. My bson is glad he knows about his bfather even though they never met, and my bson and I now have a relationship that means a lot to both of us.

I'd advise doing a bunch of reading about other people's experiences to help prepare yourself for the search and hopefully for a reunion. And try to put together a support network of people who will be there for you when you run into difficulties, because even the happiest reunions have some rough spots.

I wish you all the best.

Mary Jane
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