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"it still makes me feel shamed that I can't come out and say, "But this is my second child."
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Jenna,
Why should you feel ashamed? You
should be able to say, "This is my second child" because it is. It is not anyone's business the why and how of your answer.
As an adoptive mom I run into times when people make judgements about my family based on assumptions. My son is obviously different from us (he is black we are white) yet some people will
still ask (even when he is out with both my husband & I) "Did you adopt him?" If I feel like I do not wish to discuss his adoption (we might be eating our dinner!) I simply reply "Why do you ask?" Most times turning the questioning back on them is enough to let them know I am not interested in having to justify my family to anyone.
It has taken me time to get to a place when I share info when I wish to (opposed to when others want me to), but now I have pat several answers for most situations.
As for that relative of yours, maybe the fact that you were so selfless when faced with an unplanned pregnancy scares him. He probably realizes he does not posess the courage to make a decision like yours & therefore he feels better if he lessens it's value (in his eyes). Don't worry about him, keep your focus on helping you first born understand how much you care and that you
did make a plan for their life that simply includes others to love and care for them (adoptive family).
Keep you chin high. The choices you have made might be difficult at times, the experience can either bring you down, or help mold your soul into something even more exceptional than most. Be Exceptional!
I wish you well with the birth of your second child!
Peanut