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I know how you feel
We went through 2 failed adoptions and held our babies in our arms and with the same arms we handed back the babies. The only thing that I can tell you it is like a death, so grieve. The baby is still alive and hopfully doing well. You will always think about him... even when you adopt another. So cry and remember him and I wish you well. It does get better with time, but I still know that on June 17th he will be 2 and another little boy will be 3 next march. If you didn't love him it wouldn't hurt.
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