[LisaCA]

when I was 5 years old I wanted to have ten boys and ten girls . upon maturity I realized exactly what that entailed. I also saw that in the 60s and 70s, it was pretty hard for women to have a career and kids too. decided I wanted to be single and childfree like my aunt, travel the world and have fun. met dh in college, started dating after college, he knew I wasn't into "the kid thing" and was fine with that. When he proposed after 5 years together, made sure he knew "no kids, but I reserve the right to change my mind, and if we do, we'll adopt" . He's fine with it. fast forward a few years and I have a few blood clots (clotting disorder). while on bed rest and recuperating, feeling crappy while taking blood thinners for what seem like forever, started to reevaluate life after my brush with death (lets just say I waited a bit before going to the emergency room-duh). I realize then that I wanted to "think about the kid thing". Thought about it quietly for three years before saying anything to dh, who nearly fell over from the shock. He thinks about it, we talk about it, and decide "okay, kids it is". Start researching adoption at the same time I'm presented with a job opportunity about 400 miles away. means living apart from dh for two years (commuter marriage very common in academia) and clearly no adoption. Put adoption plans on hold since no one will give us a child while we fly back and forth . Decide, after much consultation with docs etc that i'm afraid of being too old as a first time mom so we should do something for those two years, so I bite the bullet and try reproduction. scared to death by docs defining what would be a "very high risk pregnancy". Failed miserably at babymaking but suspect my body wasn't really thrilled with the idea (my head certainly wasn't). Saw the birth film in B/W in 8th grade, nearly passed out and vomited. Still, it was a little annoying not to succeed at something (yuppie syndrome). Resume adoption plans asap when we merge households again, taking classes and reading everything, all the while saving money. Move and finally were able to summit the paperwork. Homestudy complete by first week in june, dd arrives first week of july .

Not sure why adoption was so important to me. I know my family is very pro-adoption, and two of my first cousins are adoptees. I do know that my family felt a strong community tie and dh and I feel strongly that their aren't enough black aparents available for formal adoptions. since the idea of being pregnant strikes me more like the movie "alien", this is clearly where we should be . at first we thought we'd do toddler adoption, but we realize after reading a bit that we are clueless and our work schedules (involving foreign and domestic travel) mean that we would not be the best parents for a child with attachment issues. Plus, a newborn is more forgiving about your parental cluelessness .

we are loving this and can't wait to do it again.