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Nancy: I am a b/mother in reunion,a very happy,successful reunion.Should children be told they are adopted IMO yes. Why? My daughter grew up feeling as if she were different then the folks around her,not looking like any of them for one but also their actions and the wonder of where did I come from.Surely now we realize that as human beings we all deserve to know our true heritage and also there are health issues to think on.
Adopted parents who do not allow or want their child to seek their birth parents are IMO putting their own insecurities on the children they adopt.If they truly loved the child they would want that child to be all that he/she could be.If they have raised the child with plenty of care & love, danger of the child moving away from them or forgetting them would not even be an issue.
As a b/mother I would like to be able to thank them for what they had done when I could not.Also what is wrong with a/parents allowing the adult adoptee sharing in their childs adult life.More care/more love & also in most cases the adoptee know would know that they were not given away but placed out of love so they would have a much better chance in life.My daughter's parents had passed before we had contact so we did not have to deal with issues of a/parents/bparent issues.But I do know that our daughter held back from searching as she felt obligated to her a/parents.Why should any child ever have to feel obligated? They did not ask the a/parents to adopt them,they were innocent children.
I made the mistake of not telling our daughter's siblings on her as back in the 60s we were told to move on as we would never see our child again.Yes,I went on to marry the b/dad and we had three more children who did not know they had another sister out there.Wrong on my part as they had every right to know.They sure did know when she contacted us,they knew immediately! Why did I never search partly because of the way b/parents of the 60s were made to feel,partly because of the scoiety we lived in.Are secrets still kept? Yes they are,and it is wrong,so wrong! Those that have judged us b/mothers were doing the same thing we were only they did not get pregnant and bring a beautiful child into this world.I did and my only regret is that I did not have the joy of raising her.The a/parents did and should have felt so grateful they had a beautiful daughter to raise.They were and are the ones who should be grateful not the adoptee.These are my opinions.