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Originally Posted by Mom2J
prasnhym, I can give you some advice on this process. Since I don't know your state, I can't give specifics. So here goes...
Shop around for attorneys. Don't take the very first one you come across. You'll need one that will be reasonable with the prices. Any family law attorney can draw up the papers for the birthparents to surrender their rights for adoption. (In other words, they're giving you permission to adopt.) Most will give a flat fee for adoption if there isn't anyone going to contest it. Then it generally goes to an hourly rate.
If neither one will sign, then you'll have to take them to court for any number of issues to terminate parental rights. This is done in most states at the same time as filing for adoption. (I'm going through this right now.)
Grounds for termination of parental rights is different with each state, so I can't get specific on them. You said the birthmom hasn't done the court ordered requirements to obtain custody back, so is the child still in DHR/DFCS/DSS's custody? If you want, you can PM me with more details if you don't feel comfortable doing this on the boards and I can try to help you navigate these waters. I will say, you DON'T want to do this without an attorney. Your entire adoption could be at stake and many states won't allow you to do this pro-se.
Mom2J
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Thank you so much for the info - I am in Texas and i have an app. with an attorney at the end of the month for consultation. We received custody through the courts in Louisiana and have never had any contact with social services or cps or whatever since that day. Apparently as far as the court was concerned it was a permanant done deal at that time. I had a consultaion once a year or so ago and he said he saw no need to do anything - that by her actions todate and the court papers he did not believe a judge would return the child if she did ever decide to try to get them back. But this past week she filed for a divorce and i was told if she did that we had to have an intervention showing standing filed here in texas showing we have custody and be involved in the divorce proceeding for that. Which is why i have the appointment with another attorney. Thank you so much for your response!