[Elaine95]

KK,

I am sorry for your loss. Reading your post brings back a flood of emotion from last November when we had an adoption fail. We did not spend as much time with her, as you did with baby's mother, but it hurt nonetheless. We had only been in correspondence with her for about an month and a half, and only officially matched for one week, but we grieved. And, for me, it took months to recover from it. I tried to put on my happy face, but I remember being depressed and in bed for many weeks afterwards. For me, it was something that just needed time. I just needed to separate myself from her birth with time, and I can't think of anything that would have made it go faster. I prayed a lot, and tried hard to concentrate on all of the good things in my life (there are so many!!) but I still needed to grieve. We still have not been matched, and it has been more than six months since that experience, but I have hope again, and I feel happy again and normal.

I hope you can find peace. but don't beat yourself up over it's illusiveness right now!! You need to grieve your loss, and I can imagine that you will always hold a special place in your heart for that baby boy and his mother. I think you are doing all of the right things right now, and it's important that you recognize your need for support.

Hang in there. You are not alone.

Hugs,
Elaine