[KKinCA]

We matched with our birthmother last September. It was our first call, our first match, and though she seemed a little unstable, all seemed well. We spent much time with her during the pregancy, talked with her almost daily, and grew very attached to the little boy growing inside her. She gave birth in February, and we were there for the labor and delivery. Though she had a tough time in the hospital, she did let us take the baby home. She went into a depression after the birth, and said her emotional state was preventing her from signing the relinquishment. Though concerned, we were busy parenting a newborn, and continued to believe that she would sign (also because she told us this time and time again, assuring us that we had nothing to worry about). After three weeks, the agency called us and told us she changed her mind. The devastation has been unbearable. Though it has almost been almost two months since we lost him, and we're getting the help and support we need from family, friends and a therapist, I just can't seem to get my life back. We are back on line with the agency we used, and we also hired a private attorney to help us find a birthmother, and we have a genuine belief that we'll be matched with another baby...but I continue to be flooded with feelings of loneliness and depression. I have read many books on grief, took time off of work, and have done everything I can to get through this tough time, but the feelings of devastation and anger keep re-emerging.

For others who have gone through a similar experience...is there anything you've found helpful in dealing with your loss? I think I'm doing everything I can, and perhaps I just need to accept that it will take time.

Thanks in advance for the input,
KK