[BD2884]

Hi Yeysk:

Why do you think that all of your referrals might have FAS?

And just to answer your question, I think that only an IA doc can guestimate whether a child might have FAS--and remember, it is just a very educated guess since he cannot see her in person and doesnt know her birth parents history, etc. It sounds like he has determined that the philtrum is not defined and headsize is small--all signs that it MIGHT be FAS. Did your doc ask you to get more information, if you are still interested in this little girl, that might account for the low birth weight--was she a preemie, etc. What was her Apgar score? Have you asked for another picture--that might help define the facial area? Has he given you a list of questions to ask your agency since he has concerns--that might help you? Perhaps that might be a place to start.

I certainly understand the idea of rejecting a child that seems perfectly healthy to you while the IA doc has concerns. We went to health issue seminars that were specific to adoptive children and when they put children's pictures on the screen and asked you if they had FAE/FAS I was always wrong--they were all beautiful to me. We couldnt tell--and we decided that we would listen the IA doc. And we did trust our IA doc. However, if you do have concerns, why not get a second opinion for another IA doc. And dont despair, your next referral might be perfectly healthy with no issues whatsoever. Or minor medical issues that are easily dealt with.

That is our case. We turned down our first referral--and believe me--we agonized over that decision. It was a painful and sad time for us. But we soon received a referral for our son--and the IA doc had no reservations at all. We knew the second that we saw him--he was meant to be ours, while there was some hesitation on the first referral. I dont know why we had those feelings but we did! And the doctor really just confirmed what we already knew. While the whole adoption process is difficult at best, have faith that the right baby will be there for you.
I would be happy to answer any questions--our adoption is complete and I can tell you that my son is wonderful in everyway and we have had no health issues with him at all except for your normal colds, etc. He is perfect and we are blessed.

Please let me know if I can help in any other way.

Bari