Hi there
Thanks so much for your replies, I really appreciate any input that is out there because I'm feeling totally hopeless about it all. I do not want sympathy for what I have been through, just understanding that after all..we are the sum of our experiences. Changing ones outlook on very bleak past experiences and how it shapes your perception and view of new experiences can be extremely challenging.
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think that I'd have to ask myself what do I expect my bfather to do about my past? Well, if you think about it, there's nothing he really can do. I'm sure that he's got a lot of guilt and pain like yourself but in a different way.
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ok, so this is a good question. I really honestly do understand that my bfather can't change past. I never thought that he could.He believes that I'm living in the past..which I am not. But..there is one thing he can do. He can understand that all those experiences have shaped who I am..and that I can't stop many of the instintive thoughts that I have to try and protect myself from further hurt. Yes..they are distorted. Yes they most times are unfounded...and yes..I may need reassurance that he's not going to reject me like all the others. I need this instinctivly in any relationship..not just with him. I know that he may also have pain and guilt about what happened in my life. I have told him that I do not blame him and that it wasn't his fault, but I know that still may not resolve things for him.
Jonit-That's great that you have been able to turn your perceptions around! Isn't it hard? Did you recieve any counselling at all? I have been in counselling for many many years and still can't seem to work it out!
tlee