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I know it's my fault and that I need to take responsibility for my actions, but after reading some literature (not very much out there) I've realized that my perceptions run to the very core of who I am. My view on life and people are distorted and negative. It is instinct for me to view people with distrust and fear.
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Having been where you are, I thought that maybe if I tell you my experience you might find something you can use. I realize that no two situations are the same.
I grew up in a home where there was physical and mental abuse by my parents and absolutely no warm, fuzzy feelings toward children. Years later, and only when I had the time to look back and reflect, I realized that I had attachment disorder - I didn't trust anyone. Sometimes I could pretend to, but usually something would happen that I would take personally and the relationship would be over. This happened with family, friends and co-workers.
I never had any counselling but have figured this out. Life is a play. You have to play the role of the person you want to be - I want to be a happy, caring, thoughtful person. Because I have made a point of playing the role of that person I want to be, I have become more like that person. Life is not perfect and I still have distrustful thoughts but if you live your life in a mature way and follow those rules without fail, you will find yourself able to go on.
It's a disorder that is uncomfortable to live with and takes a strong constitution, but always thinking of the other person and how I can make them feel better actually makes me feel better. I have bad days where I wonder "why me" - "why was I unloveable?" but it wasn't me at all, it was 'them' - they couldn't love themselves and therefore weren't able to teach me how to love anyone. I have to remind myself of this constantly....it's not MY fault. It will be my fault if I allow that pattern of behavior to continue into another generation.
I agree with you that it's hard not to live in the past - I try to shake that off as quickly as possible so that it doesn't impact my life now. Maybe it's 'the condition', but I've found that after the initial sympathy, no one really wants to 'get into' a personality disorder. You have to gain an understanding of how it happened, and how to get out of the hole you're in. I think I've managed to do that - hope you have the same luck. It's not easy, I know.
You seem like an intelligent person and you've figured out that you have a distorted view of people - that's the first step. Now you have to act the way you want to be.
You have my best wishes for a good life.