[LisaCA]

it sounds like she needs to find others in her community with parents who are "different". I think if you ask her teachers or look around your community, you'll find others with parents that look different from their children. getting together in that context would be nice.

have you talked to her about how people may react to her two moms? this may be time to have that talk (again if you've already had it). If after that she still wants you both there, I'd go as a couple. She may be telling you she want's to lay it all out on the table for everyone, and then make friends. She may be a bit stressed how people will find out, and wants to just have it out there, get it over with.

frankly, it's tiring as a child to be "different". you may be quite happy with your family, etc, but it's just exhausting having to respond to questions all the time. maybe some books about difference, how that's perceived, how she should view it, etc might help. If she's shy, she may relate better to books than that one on one stuff.

btw, my mom looks very different from me. People used to be shocked she was my mom (I'm AA, mom is a mutt-native american, white, and ?). It was stressful, but hey, it was life. There was no place to hide from it.Adults could see the resemblance, kids couldn't get past the skin color/hair color issue. Funny, but no one said anything bad, just "noticed", which was bad enough. I spend my entire childhood hoping to blend into the background, to not stand out, just to be unnoticed. Unfortunately that isn't my personality (too demanding and so not shy), so it was just a fantasy.

You might also want to schedule some hang out together time after the party, so you can reconnect after the event. she may feel like talking and sharing her experience.

(((hugs))) I know the anxiety is probably much more difficult for you in many ways. Hard to sit back and send loved ones out into the world. good luck.

I look forward to reading the other comments you'll receive.

Lisa