[tlc4kidz]

I don't know, maybe it's the weather, or maybe it's just that I'm completely sleep deprived and trying to juggle a gazillion things at once. This will be my first mother's day as our akids "forever mom". It's also the day that our youngest was due a year ago, however he will turn 1 on tuesday. There are so many folks out there who are suffering the loss of infertility and I am blessed with four incredible children....what could possibly be wrong?

Everyone around me seems to think I should be able to just move on and "forget about those people (bp's)". After all "they are the ones who screwed up" (not my words). I just keep seeing my kids birthmom in my head and wondering how much pain she'll be in on this day that should be a celebration of motherhood. I have this image of her standing in her driveway with tears streaming down her cheeks....which is the last time we met. I bought her a card tonight that says on the outside...."may the path that lies before you lead you to a place of hope and hapiness", and on the inside "know that I am beside you on your journey". I read it and wonder if she'll be offended. Wonder if I am causing her more pain by being in her life.

UGGHH....this adoption thing is NOT easy. I am SO thankful that the kids are now a part of our family, and I love them to the moon and back. There's just always that piece of sadness. Thanks for listening....it's a comfort to know I can come here, where someone will understand, and not burden my family with these thoughts.