[mroot]

Jenna - I have followed your story and cannot even begin to imagine what you are going through. All I can say is you deserve guilt-free happiness and joy over this pregnancy! You already are an awesome mom and have already shown that you are capable of unconditional love for Munchkin and now for Butterball.

The only remote way I can identify is kind of in reverse - I experienced three miscarriages before the adoption of our perfect son. The first pregnancy we were so excited! But after losing that baby I found it so hard to get excited about the next two because I was so guarding my heart and I felt guilty for not letting myself be excited about them. When those two pregnancies also ended in heartache, I felt guilty thinking that somehow my guardedness caused the miscarriages. It was a nightmare that took a long time to wake from.

Please don't allow yourself to feel guilty for being happy. You so deserve it! And Munchkin will know, if not now, then someday, how much you love her and how happy her birth made you! My son's birthmom wrote that he was "her greatest accomplishment" and it's important to me that he read that someday! If you journal, maybe you could journal some of your feelings.

I know this probably sounds like meaningless blather, but I want you to know that I am wishing you the absolute best!