I need some good words, folks. I'm have a down-day. I think I could blame it on clouds and rain. Who knows.
I'm feeling guilt. Every time something awesome happens (like hearing Butterball's heartbeat for the first time on my birthday -
http://www.thejhatfields.org/sounds/4.25(loud).wav ), I'm left feeling guilty about being happy. It's not that little things from Munchkin's pregnancy didn't make me happy... but everything was so different. Upon hearing Butterball's heartbeat, I was immediately transported back to that awful doctor's exam room where I got to hear Munchkin for the first time. I remember what I was WEARING. I remember how the happiness was short-lived as I told my friend-slash-coach on the way home that I was seriously considering adoption.
Memories are flooding. I don't know what to do with them.
So, someone, tell me what to do other than eat leftover birthday cake. I don't even LIKE cake.