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Originally Posted by bromanchik
Well no wonder!!!! That would hit me the wrong way too. How incredibly insensitive. No one would say that to a mother whose baby had died. How is it that our experience as a mother is instantly discounted the moment we give up our parental rights?
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I don't know, but it seems like that's the case everywhere we go. Even my mother, when I talk about my daughter, feels the need to remind me that I am not her mother. Well no kidding? Of course I know that...I think I understand that better than anyone else can.
I didn't want to send AMom a card this year. But, I didn't really want to tarnish any part of a relationship for later. I know she doesn't expect anything, and I feel right now as though I have nothing left to give (and I literally don't, financially...all my savings I spent on school since I had no baby to care for). So, instead of writing her a long letter, making that risky phone call or borrowing the money for roses, I spend some time making a card that I'll compare to a wedding invitation or baby announcement, complete with vellum paper and a background of a dozen roses. It simply says," Amom, Happy Mother's Day! I hope you have a wonderful day, Love, Me." I feel like I'm selling her short, but that's all I have to give...and I don't want her to take anything the wrong way, so short and sweet seems the way to go.
Brenda, you know, there is one person in my life that's validated my role as mother in my daughter's life (in whatever form it has been and will be). He did it from the very beginning. On our first date I sat him down and laid out my expectations for the relationship, my expectations of him and what I was and was not going to do. It was hard! He seemed a little floored. Then, because I'm so sick of people finding out about my daughter and acting weird or leaving, I told him about her, showed him a few pictures that are always in my wallet, and let him think. Boy, did he ever. He sat there and took it all in, then took my hand and said, "That's part of who you are, and I want to get to know all of you."
And we've been together ever since...sometimes he even refers to me as "Mom" when we're talking about the kids...
Sorry, I digress...