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Living with these damaged children is a whole different ball game compared to reading about it or hearing about it. I could not have imagined a child behaving like what I have seen. I had no idea how deep the wounds really are.
Our social worker told us once that she could never fully understand what we were going through (she has two bio children) because she isn't in the trenches daily. I appreciated her honesty. If she had implied that she was more experienced than I was, I would have been highly insulted.
You can learned in class about rages, about self hurting, about holding, about rejection. But seeing the person you love more than yourself fighting to get away from you because they think you will hurt them, or see them hurting themselves because they have no self-respect, or holding them as they fight you with their very lives. That is a reality that no one can imagine without living it. It hurts so much to realize that you can't really help, you can only be there.
My daughter rejects our love daily. I had no idea how that would feel. I love her with all that I have and she hates me because of it, but yet will freely hug our neighbor or grocery store clerk. No one can imagine how that feels until they have been there.
My husband and I went on a mini vacation last week end (first time away in 2 years - we have earned it). When we came back, we placed bets on whether our daughter would be glad to see us. I lost the bet. When she saw us she said "oh man, did you have to come back?". People can empathize and say wow that must have hurt. But no one can fully understand the depth of the hurt unless they have been there.
That is what unconditional love is all about. We love our children even when they don't love us. Even when they have no intention of loving us. Our unconditional love is tested every single day.
I have met more parents on these boards who live a life of unconditional love. All parents say they love their children unconditionally, but ours is truly tested.
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