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knowing what to say....
sigh.... me, too, GE.... about not knowing quite what to say....
somehow, I view my life as just that... MY LIFE.. but kind, loving people ask the usual questions as they get to know you.... in some ways, it's small talk... in other ways... they really do want to get to know you .. and they say "how many kids do you have?"... and if I say "3"... I feel like a liar again.... if I say "4"... I Feel like that requires an explanation.... which I don't necessarily feel obligated to give..... but somehow... don't feel like I am being honest if I don't explain.... because I don't HAVE four daughters.... I gave birth to four daughters..... I HAVE three.... and by "have"... I mean I have the responsibility of three.... I "own" three so to speak.... financially, emotionally, physically.... they are tied to me for life... the other one... belongs to someone else.... in that "have" sort of way....
I am trying out this answer for people.... "I have 4 daughters but I am only raising three."... which, also requires an explanation.... and for me... I also have 2 sons, that were premature births... and didn't survive... so maybe a better answer would be "I had 6 children... but God has only gifted me with 3 daughters to raise.".... and maybe leave it just like that.... that would leave them confused for some time, wouldn't it????
and actually..... truthfully... God has now gifted me with a relationship with that first one... I didn't have the opportunity to raise her... but I now am in a relationship with her......... sigh, again....another explanation required....
why is it so important that we define everything??? (that's coming from your in-house mathematician!!)
why is it that we have to have a place for people? a title... a relation....
to understand each other better? for what purpose?
my sister is a stepmother... and she refuses to use that word.... when she reads Cinderella to her bio children she just says mother.... she doesn't want them to ever know her as a "stepmother" because of the evil connotation society attaches to the word....
I don't like calling my first child my birth daughter... because all four of them are birth children.... yuk... don't like that...
I actually don't like calling the first one "the first one"... because I didn't raise her as MY first one.... my second one was my first one....
maybe it is because of my mathematical mind that I have such a problem with samantics... with words... with finding the "right" word to describe this circumstance in my life.....
sorry for rambling.... but obviously... I just can't get my brain around it all!!!
julie
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