[sugarbabysmommy]

It sounds like you know his history, but have you gotten a chance to know him?

Put aside what the social worker suggests and consider what you are comfortable with and let him know. If that means you end up chosing the one weekend per month on your own, you know it was your free will, or if that means letters and pictures plus a visit once or twice a year supervised, then it was your free will. We always feel better about what are doing if the decision comes from us, you should no more feel dragged into an agreement than he should. Then he knows where you stand and it's up to him to take it from there.

You said you would hate to see him separate her from her brother, does that mean would consider the SW's idea if you knew it would bring closure? If so, I think that's a very bad reason for agreeing to something. Only enter into what you know you can live with, and if more comes later and the relationship between all of you blossoms, that'd be great.

Personally, I have a very open adoption, but would never have agreed to unsupervised visits. I love and trust my child's birth family, but I was a child who was involved in court ordered monthly weekend unsupervised visits with my biological paternal grandparents. Knowing I had no say in whether or not I could see them bothered me a great deal, especially when they continued to undermine my parents. And when I reached the age when I was told I could finally decide for myself, it was clear I wasn't supposed to speak up, fear of upsetting everyone and possibly having to return to court mediation kept me silent. If the day comes and my child says hey, I wanna spend the afternoon with so and so, like with any relative, great, but I want for my child to make that choice.