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Wow, that is almost the same experience I had. I however never told my family about the adoption mainly because the birthmom was shamed into believing the adoption was the correct thing to do...one of their tools they used was based on "you should seek out a return missionary and marry in the temple" kinda attitude. Of course I was from the midwest and not the west kinda mormon, where back home you deal with what you have to deal with in life and not turn your back on it. So I knew if I told my parents about the baby in the oven, that my parents would have insisted on the child staying in the family and adoption is not part of our blood..."no child of ours will go to another family" so this is my dilema and being young at the time it led me to what I feel was a bad decision. to wit if I told my family it would have gone against the birthmom's wishes and being she was mad and angry-to term it loosely at me, I felt it prudent to do as she wished, which also gave the bishops fuel for the fire so to speak.
None the less I am stuck with the last 20+ years of deep regret and sorrow for what was done, all I have is a picture of my little girl when she was about a week or two old and that is it. She was so beatiful and I just want her back.
The upside to all of this eventually was a greater understanding of all involved, including myself, a hard lesson for sure.
Good luck to all and I hope you too find what your looking for, I wish I could say more but there is just volumes of stuff still locked inside and not enough time to bore you with it. I too have nothing to do with the Lds church anymore and have'nt for 20 yrs, but understand this experience did not "discourage me" from the church or make me "bitter" it just opened my eyes to alot of things, and thru my own research and not that of someone else, and study I have made my own decisions and choices, and they are just not one of them. I won't ever join the "freemasons" or the mormon church, if ya know what I mean. Jesus died for all and You don't need a secret code word or hand shake to get into the presence of god, we are all sinners and by no order of man can you get into heaven i.e. by way of indulgences(catholic) not by what any man says or convinces you what you should do. or by a ritual or ordinance, or secret hand shake or code word, but only thru christ. So I am off my soapbox now, I would like to hear more from you, so I hope I have not offended anyone or you and keep the faith. Jon
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