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History,
I agree with what you're saying and wish life was that simple. For myself, although I wanted to be reunited with my bson, when it did happen it opened a can of worms in some ways as for the first time in 23 years I talked fully about his adoption. I did not choose to have my bson adopted, I was bullied, pressured, and, went through emotional blackmail until I signed my rights away to be a mother to my son. I was honest with my son about why he was adopted and it bothered him deeply that I was put through such pain. There have been times when I have been in tears while talking to my bson over the phone then felt guilty for crying even though he wanted me to be honest.
Honesty is the best policy but adoptees should also be prepared to hear things they don't like. My bson and I had to work through so much including painful stuff but we got through it with perserverance.
Another point is that many of us were told we would not/could not search as that was the law and as a naive 19 year old I believed this. As I got older part of me was curious enough to wonder about searching but didn't mainly due to fear that he wouldn't want to know me and I didn't have a clue how to. I also had it fixed in my brain 'I wouldn't be allowed to'. My bson searched for me for 5 years as I later found out but I found him by accident as I went on a website that he had put my details on. My bit of revenge on those who pressured me into the adoption and the social worker who told me I couldn't search was to email him which I have never regretted. Even better revenge is to still be in reunion 8 months on and I wouldn't have it any other way. In an ideal world all birth parents would search but unfortunately we are only human and go through our own fears and insecurites.
Philippa
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