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If your ex hasn't paid child support and hasn't played an active role in your child's life, I would think you would stand a chance at terminating his rights on the basis of abandonment/neglect. At least that's what our atty told us when we tried this. If you are prepared to fight an uphill battle to have your husband adopt your child, then go for it; if you are only doing it because you feel legally it's what is recommended, then maybe you should consider all that is involved in a stepparent adoption. It's very expensive and emotional--at least it was for our family. In the end it doesn't change much in your day to day life, my son knows who his dad is and doesn't need a legal document to tell him--kinda like marriage--still very important to me but not exactly necessary. . .does that make sense?
My ex also owed a ton of money, around 30K to date, and we used that as a motivator to get him to agree to the adoption. I told him I'd release him from that debt if he agreed. That might work for you too. Mine is very selfish and understandably wanted to get on with his life and stop owing for "someone elses' child". If you think about it that way, it makes it easier to forgive the debt. My son really IS my husband's son, not the sperm donor's. . .
Anyway, I hope this helps. Good luck and keep us updated! R
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