[whoownsthis]

OK, let me set the record straight here. Just because I'm reporting to all of you their negative behaviors for the past 4 days doesn't mean that I'm walking around with a sour look on my face screeching out orders! Yes, when they are helpful, I praise them. When they smile, I tell them what beautiful smiles they have, and how their teeth just sparkle from that fanstastic teeth-brushing job. When they do simple chores (making own beds, bringing own laundry down, hanging up own towels), I praise them.

We are firm with them, but with a calm and controlled voice. Yes, they are testing us, but we are not backing down. (I got heck for that a few months ago when the boy raged at dinner and my husband threatened a consequence, but then gave in when the boy apologized later.)

If these kids felt we hated them, I seriously doubt the oldest girl would have let her sorrow and grief pour out like that! We are consistent, loving, and firm. We've learned not to fight battles we can't win (hey, if it's 38 degrees outside and the boy insists over and over that he won't need his coat, fine. The natural consequence is that he'll be cold. HIS problem, and one he'll hopefully learn from.) Yep, I've read the "Parenting with Love and Logic" book and the "Parenting the Hurt Child" book, and several others that are always recommended here.

The reason I'm mentioning the oldest girl so much is because she is the one who is the instigator. The others follow her lead! If people don't like the word snotty, then please give me another to describe this kind of behavior:

Parent: "Hey kids, that looks like a fun card game, what is it?"
Oldest girl: (evil look at me, then back to game)
Parent: (still happy, friendly voice, trying to engage the kids) "Oh, is it Slap Jack?"
Oldest girl: (incredulous) "No! G-d you're stupid! Don't you know any card games? Jeez, I can't believe they let you teach college!"
Parent: (firm, calm voice) "A, there is no need for that kind of rude response. Remember the one rule we follow in this house? To respect others in your words and actions. I think you need to sit in your quiet spot (the couch in another room) and think about that for a while."

(Her response was throwing the cards all over the room and screaming "I hate you" and stomping up to her bedroom.)

Anyway, that's my last post. I'm done defending myself. I appreciate everyone's input.