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Chick, I reread your post and it dawned on me that maybe you are fully prepared to sever ties with your mother if she is unable to change and that your concern is a child having a grandparent that does not accept him. Well, it is not ideal, but pretty common I think and really not that devastating if handled properly.

I have shared this story before but will again. Several years ago I watched a program with Richard Dreyfus. He talked about his son and his marriage and shared how he had to explain to his young son who inquired about why he (the son) did not know his mother's (Richard's wife's) parents. Apparently Richard's parents were very very close and visited regularly; the son knew that his mother's parents were living and was confounded by this difference of relationship. Richard explained that when he met his wife that her parents said that he was not acceptable to them and not welcome in their home because he was Jewish. She told them she intended to marry Richard; they said that if she did, she was no longer welcome in their home. He explained, age appropriately, that it was sad that they had made such a decision, especially for "mom" (his dw) but that some people have a hard time growing and seeing the world outside of their own personal experience. He made it very clear that it was not his son's fault and talked about the many other people who loved them. It was a great discussion and showed how one can acknowledge the loss while continuing to place the responsibility of acceptance on the parents.

I agree with Jen; I would not permit any child of mine, regardless of race, to be exposed to views of hate and toxicity, regardless from whom they came.