[dadfor2]

just a couple of other thoughts

quote:
'(OK, is it just me, or is this behavior typical of a much younger child?!) '

its not you.....most kids who have been removed from birthfamiy due to abuse and/or neglect, emotionally are much younger. Thats part of the package.

quote:
"We've raised three sons, and they were nowhere near this hostile to each other or snotty to us, their parents. Sure, they had their moments, but nothing like this."

unless you abused and neglected your sons, you really cannot compare them. Its like comparing apples and oranges, yea they are both fruit, but thats about it.

quote:
"There is no way we're going to adopt these kids. NO WAY! "

my adivce is really look at this whole situation and see if your ready for adopting older kids. Adopting kids in the system is very very different then raising kids from birth who were not abused and neglected.

I think you and your husband really need to sit down and look at why you want to adopt older kids. Alot of these kids are not 'easy', and you cant parent them like your birth kids.

Quote:
"I said "You snooze, you lose!" "

lol...this statement alone would cause my kids to go into a major rage and meltdown....i would never say this to them.

these children are hurt and they have no clue on what its like to live in a loving home. THey have been shipped around like pawns on a chess board, not knowing where they are going to end up.

Even their own foster parents havnt called them to check in....what message does that send to the kids?.... Not a loving one.

And dont think these kids dont notice this stuff, these kids notice EVERYTHING!!! they have to, and thats how they survive.

They have been hurt, and they will go out of their way to keep themselves safe, and if that means pushing you and your husband away by making snide remarks, tantrums, yelling and screaming, or whatever they can do too figure out how to push your buttons, they will do it.

they been hurt so much, and they will NOT be hurt again, by anyone!!!!!

if you decide to go ahead and adopt an older child, you will have to PROVE that you will be there for them forever....and that takes time, because all they know is that nothing is really forever, and the people that say "I love you" dont really mean it.

obviously you shouldnt adopt these kids...you already have negative feelings around the older girl, plus, she already knows it.

but really think if you want to do this...like lorraine said..this is the hardest thing i have ever done...

but when they do start to come around.....it truly is one of the most amazing things to witness.....